June 10th, 2006 and I have NEVER known fear like I have just experienced. I called the NICU early and then right before we left the house to visit him and was told the same thing each time- he's doing really well, nothing eventful.

As soon as we got to the NICU we check in. He calls inside and hangs up the phone with a very straight face and tells us a nurse will be right out to speak with us. I can't feel my legs. I'm cold all over and I feel the blood drain from my head. I might throw up right here and now. I'm imagining the absolute WORST and I can't bear it. Neill hugs me and calms me down. He reassures me that everything will be alright. We sit together in the waiting room for what feels like forever. My heart is pounding out of my chest when a nurse comes to us.

She doesn't smile at first. She says she's not the nurse in charge of our son, but she wanted to let us know that he's pulled out his breathing tube and they're replacing it now. I feel like my legs are going to give out. Why couldn't they just say that at the beginning!!!! I can't help but smile and laugh. The nurse is startled till I explain and she smiles back. I feel so much better now.

When we're finally allowed back in we're caught up to speed. He pulled out his tube a little and they had to replace it. They had to bag him while they changed the tubes, but he did so well breathing on his own, they decided to return him to the other respirator. I'm SOOO happy about that. No more vibrating him out of his bed, no more narcotics. My little boy is stronger than I give him credit for.

The nurses and respitory therapist rave about how tough he is, what a fighter he is, how well he's doing so far. I pray he will continue to do well. They think the PDA has closed but plan on doing an ecocardiogram soon to double check since one doctor thought she heard a little murmur.

He's looking so much better these days. He's now 900 grams, 80 grams more than his birth weight! He looks down right chubby and I'm dying to cuddle him. He is the most beautiful thing I have every seen.