June 1st, 2006 and I have to leave the hospital without my son. I'm all too aware that I'm leaving him behind. I tell myself that he's in the best place possible for him. There isn't better care anywhere in the country for preemies.

I visit Beau in the NICU before I go. I comfort myself with the thought of going back tomorrow. It's already 5 pm and to tell the truth, I am ready to leave the hospital. I need to touch base with something concrete, something I know. My whole world is turned upside down, inside out, then shaken really hard. I never envisioned it this way. Mothers are supposed to leave the hospital with their babies.

Thank God Neill will be here soon, thanks to my amazing father!